MouseScrappers.com  

Go Back   MouseScrappers.com > Welcome > MouseScrappers - site news and thoughts > 4th Anniversary Celebration
Click here to view our Sponsors Click here to visit us on Facebook Follow us on Pinterest
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-18-2013, 03:00 PM   #1
scrappinnewbie
E Ticket Holder
 
scrappinnewbie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Florida
Software: SBC+3.0
Camera: Cannon Rebel XTi
Posts: 5,699
Points: 38,358
Have to share a funny for our party

Normally I don't share jokes, but this one had me laughing so hard that I was in tears. (Of course bear in mind it was 1:00 am this morning and I had been up for almost 20 hours too...scrappin/planning delirum) Anyway... every party needs a good joke or laugh right... so I'm gonna share...


11 Step Program for those thinking of Having Kids:

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, SCRAPBOOK, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.


Love it! Sorry.. had to share... Can you relate?
__________________
I wish I could be or seeing

Melinda
Mouse Ears United States of America Minnie\'s Shoe Halloween 2010 - Limited Edition Mickey Pumpkin Thanks for helping to make MouseScrappers a better place Melinda! Thanks for hosting Mickey Bar Teacups Wish VoluntEAR - Castle Panda Germany R2-D2 Pigglet 1 Carol helped me book my vacation! Big Thunder Sleeping Beauty\'s Castle (Disneyland) Ive met another MouseScrapper

scrappinnewbie is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Old 05-18-2013, 05:27 PM   #2
3BluEyedBabies
Enjoying an Illuminations dessert party
 
3BluEyedBabies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: PA
Software: GIMP
Camera: Canon Power Shot SX260
Posts: 1,977
Points: 4,240
Funny!

I can definitely relate to quite a few of those...especially the Fran Dresher "mommy" whine...hate that whine!

and the goats...now that's funny!
__________________
I link to MouseScrappers! Pirate Ears Carousel horse Jungle Cruise Teacups Sorcerer\'s Hat Earful Tower It\'s a Small World Monorail Mouse Ears

3BluEyedBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2013, 11:09 PM   #3
mstalbot1
Fascinated by the World of Color
 
mstalbot1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 796
Points: 3,432
Super funny! I'm still laughing. I have 6 kids. This is my life.
Eiffel Tower Cheshire Cat 1 I love DCL!

mstalbot1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2013, 03:33 AM   #4
Romajo
Iguanodon = good; Carnotaurus = bad!
 
Romajo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wijk bij Duurstede, Netherlands
Camera: Olympus
Posts: 2,688
Points: 7,553
Well, no tears, but there are some good ones! Why do we ever want to have kids??? Maybe because they are so sweet when they are sleeping?? Oh, and don't forget about all those wet kisses all over the place and the sweetest sound of all: 'Mommy, I love you thiiiiiiiiisssss much!' That's why!
Not to mention the look on their faces when they see magic for the frst time (and we can be kids again, because we just have to do and go where ever they go).
__________________

Go to my shop, my blog and my Facebook page.
Netherlands Thanks for hosting Mickey Bar Eiffel Tower Mickey Pumpkin Expedition Everest

Romajo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2013, 04:17 AM   #5
Fioontje
Relaxing on the TTA PeopleMover
 
Fioontje's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dordrecht, The Netherlands
Software: Photoshop CS6
Camera: Sony A350 & Panasonic TZ7
Posts: 1,259
Points: 6,258
Lol! Sounds like fun!
Can't wait to experience it all!
Netherlands Sorcerer\'s Hat Eiffel Tower Captain EO Expedition Everest Magical Express Earful Tower I got Cinderella Castle for referring people to MouseScrappers! Beware of Hitchhiking Ghosts! I link to MouseScrappers! Cheshire Cat 1

Fioontje is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2013, 04:47 AM   #6
Romajo
Iguanodon = good; Carnotaurus = bad!
 
Romajo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wijk bij Duurstede, Netherlands
Camera: Olympus
Posts: 2,688
Points: 7,553
Haha, Fioon, see you found this! And I'm sure you will experience all (or some parts) of this!
__________________

Go to my shop, my blog and my Facebook page.
Netherlands Thanks for hosting Mickey Bar Eiffel Tower Mickey Pumpkin Expedition Everest

Romajo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2013, 07:39 AM   #7
scrappinnewbie
E Ticket Holder
 
scrappinnewbie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Florida
Software: SBC+3.0
Camera: Cannon Rebel XTi
Posts: 5,699
Points: 38,358
Oh the rewards of parenting far outweigh these funny lessons. I just thought they were hysterical stories.

I'm convinced the author of this note has seen the inside of my van or watched me at the grocery with my two goats... lol...

And I think we can all agree... somedays..even for a slight moment... you really want to change your name.

I love my goats dearly and wouldn't trade any of these lessons for them. Even for a clean van.
__________________
I wish I could be or seeing

Melinda
Mouse Ears United States of America Minnie\'s Shoe Halloween 2010 - Limited Edition Mickey Pumpkin Thanks for helping to make MouseScrappers a better place Melinda! Thanks for hosting Mickey Bar Teacups Wish VoluntEAR - Castle Panda Germany R2-D2 Pigglet 1 Carol helped me book my vacation! Big Thunder Sleeping Beauty\'s Castle (Disneyland) Ive met another MouseScrapper

scrappinnewbie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2013, 08:03 AM   #8
jr4mni
Enjoying a baguette by the fountains of France
 
jr4mni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Suburban Detroit, Michigan
Software: Craft Artist Pro, PSE 10, PCS6
Camera: Looking for a new one.
Posts: 1,876
Points: 2,883
Its like someone has been recording my every move for the past 8 years.

STELLAR!
__________________


PROUDLY creating for Mad for the Mouse Designs and Chubby Chihuahua-Designs
Disney Vacation Club Member Minnie Bride Star Tours Monorail Minnie\'s Bow Mouse Ears Mickey Pumpkin United States of America Sleeping Beauty\'s Castle (Disneyland) Pirate Flag Teacups Sorcerer\'s Hat Carousel horse Beware of Hitchhiking Ghosts! Earful Tower Thanks for hosting Mickey Bar

jr4mni is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:06 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

© Copyright 2009 - 2017 MouseScrappers.com, All rights reserved.
MouseScrappers.com is not affiliated in any way with Walt Disney World, The Walt Disney Company, or any of their affiliates or subsidiaries.
Visit Disney's official web site at Disney.com As to Disney artwork, logos and properties: © Disney
Ad Management plugin by RedTyger